The Doctor

As I stood shivering, trousers down around my ankles, the doctor, in his usual gruff and unfriendly voice simply looked over to me and barked “card!”. I bent down to retrieve my medical card from my trouser pocket now located on the floor next to the doctors table leg. He swiped my card through his reader and immediately my medical history popped up in from of him on the computer screen.

“What’s the problem?” the doctor asked. “Well”, I started, I have a really bad pain here”, I pointed to my thigh. “I think it’s a hernia”.

“Pull down your shorts, lets get a better look”, the doctor ordered. Now, I have by no means led a sheltered life but at the same time don’t just drop my shorts for anyone. “Is it really necessary?” I asked. The doctor looked up at me. “If it wasn’t necessary I wouldn’t ask you, do you think for moment I want to waist my time?”

I figured that was a rhetorical question and didn’t answer. Instead I dropped my shorts and winced as the doctors cold hands manhandled me. “Cough!” he ordered, and then worked his hand around my thigh “I’m not very impressed”, the doctor commented as I pulled up my shorts. “S, s, sorry?” I stammered wondering what on earth he was talking about. “I am not very impressed with your diagnosis of a hernia. You have a pulled muscle, probably did it in your sleep. I also think you have a trapped nerve which we can manipulate”.

“Do you enjoy your work?” I asked the doctor as he completed typing in his notes. “I wouldn’t do it unless I did”, he growled. “Fair enough”, I said and finished fastening my belt.

“You’re sticking out” he said. “What?” I asked in a sort of nervous time to get out here voice. “You’re sticking out, if they get caught in your zip, they could get cut off and then you’d be in trouble.” “Is that so”, I nearly cried, “I can’t feel anything” I said as my hand moved nervously south, and I thought ‘is it too late’?

“Your Tzizit, man!” The doctor shouted, “be careful or they’ll get sliced off.”

Relief, yes I think that’s the word, relief.