Israel Stories

Friday, March 31, 2006

The Atheist

Atheists today rioted through the streets of London, incensed by cartoons published in a UK daily paper depicting a blank sheet of paper. One leading atheist was reported to have said that the depiction of nothing is an insult to our sensitivities. The ‘nothing out there, be praised’ should not be made the brunt of the Western World’s Zionist stranglehold on civilization.

Meanwhile in the West Bank and Gaza Strip, several thousand Palestinians rioted, attacking UN and EU buildings in a day of rage highlighting their plight. A senior Palestinian and wanted Hamas terrorist was quoted as saying that the publication of the blank cartoons is a cynical Mossad plot to draw away attention from the Palestinian cause. The Zionists, he continued, have for too long been the great oppressors. Using the Atheist religion as a weapon is despicable.

The Israeli government released a statement saying this was irrelevant.

The Iranian government spokesmen for Anti-Zionist affairs said that his government was appalled that the Jews would stoop so low as to ridicule another religion. Sure they don’t believe in god, sure they say there is no heaven, sure they are negative about religion and don’t believe in the prophet, but they are human beings and should not be the subject to this Zionist Jewish brutality.

The Israeli government released a statement saying this was irrelevant.

It should be pointed out that this UK newspaper does not have a single Jewish employee. While we are not allowed to publish the full details, the owner of the paper is a member of the Saudi Royal family. When confronted with information, the Saudi government accused our reporter of being a Zionist spy and the Iranians decided to have a competition to see who could produce the funniest Holocaust cartoon.

A senior Israeli politician and ‘always nearly the Prime minister’ called from his holiday home in Oslo and suggested that as an act of good will we should supply the Palestinians with a nuclear reactor in a joint venture of friendship with Iran - oh, and while we’re at it, let’s give away all Judea , Samaria and Ramat Hasharon.

The mayor of London provided a brief statement in which he compared the plight of the atheists to the plight of the Palestinians under the Zionist regime of world tyranny. When asked if he would be taking his annual holiday in Teheran this year he replied, “stop hassling me you Nazi Jew boy reporter.” The answer was taken as yes.

The Israeli government released a statement saying this was irrelevant.

The President of the United States of America convened a meeting with the Israeli foreign minister and asked him if he had anything to do with this, and maybe they should hold off on the security barrier for a while. In response the Israeli government spokesman cried, ‘oh for the love of…..!’

The Arab boycott drew new momentum as the cartoons were rumored to have been published on the inside cover of every book written by the Zionists. They said that a blood thirsty, uneducated, power crazed, radically and violently anarchic religion with no respect for human life and dignity or tolerant of other religions could only be expected to turn this matter into a world crisis. It’s not sure whom they were referring to, but shortly after their spokesman was blown up in a ‘work accident.’

The French, worried that this incident may trigger world war three, offered a very lucrative arms contract to North Korea for the manufacture and supply of two million white flags. The Germans denied everything and the Greeks blamed the Turks.

The UN issued resolution 786,553,467,862 against Israel blaming them for the decline in Palestinian economy by restricting the sale of Kassam missiles to their brothers in Shchem (Nablus) and Chevron (Hebron), citing this as a direct consequence of the publication of a blank cartoon in a UK newspaper.

The Israeli government released a statement saying this was irrelevant.

Meanwhile the tiny country of Micronesia stood before the world in Israel’s defense. (yeh!)

The Russians, acting on the sound advice of Hamas and Iran have decided that if you can’t beat them, join them, and have supplied Syria with a new army and equipment ready for Yom Kippur.

The Israel government released a statement saying this was irrelevant.

The editor in chief of the UK paper primarily responsible for publishing the blank cartoon released a statement this week saying ‘the Paper deeply regretted this big fuss over nothing.’
The above story isn’t true. All characters and countries alluded to are purely fictitious, no sorry that fractious or is that ferocious. Of course the real world is run according to much more sane guidelines, NOT! Anyway this article is in no way meant to harm or discriminate, unless you’re the Mayor of London in which case you are totally irrelevant.



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